I believe our country is in deep trouble— divided as never before in our lifetimes. Not geographically, but interpersonally. People believe what they want to believe. Facts are no longer accepted as truth. And the rhetoric these days — from all sources — is scorching hot, which helps no one.
Taking sides or blaming others is often our first response. It’s definitely mine. It’s very easy to get lost in anger, pain and judgment, isn’t it? But taking sides and blaming others gets us nowhere.
If we dig deep, I think it’s fair to say that we do have one thing in common with each other these days: No matter where we stand on the issues facing us, all of us are scared, hurting, confused, angry.
Typically, I deal with fear and anger by keeping them locked tightly inside. This was a coping mechanism I developed in childhood to deal with my volatile father. Stay down; suck it up. That technique isn’t working for me anymore.
I believe wholeheartedly that we need to listen to one another — especially to those with whom we disagree. I learned this recently from a pack of snarling animals.
My husband and I often walk by a house that has a big, fenced-in front yard, with “beware of the dog” signs posted. The fence is secured with a chain and a padlock. Four large dogs live there. Every time we walk past, no matter how many times they’ve seen us, they come running up to the fence, barking loudly, growling. I find it unpleasant, even intimidating. We quicken our pace and move on.
Over time, my feelings began to morph into anger. I mean, why couldn’t the dogs realize we came in peace? One day, I noticed that a couple of the dogs were wagging their tails as they barked and snarled. Could it be that their way of greeting us was meant to be friendly? (That was hard for me to believe.) Or were they perhaps afraid of us? Or were they simply trying to protect themselves and their property?
Eventually, I had an “aha” moment: the dogs were giving me a lesson in love.
Oh, the dogs still bark like crazy when we walk by. And they don’t stop, even when I speak softly to them. But I hear what I’m saying as I stand there, even if they don’t: “You need have no fear of me. I am listening to you. I wish you well.”
How can the community of humans survive if we don’t accept each other, if we don’t at least acknowledge each other’s viewpoints? If we don’t listen to each other— regardless of whether we agree? Snarling and barking at each other isn’t getting us anywhere.
Author Mark Nepo asks us to “consider our heart as something that lets the reality of others in.” Our heart, he says, “is not just something that maps its way through the desires and fears of others. It takes them in.” That’s what I finally tried to do with the dogs: take them in, listen to what might be underneath all the growling and barking. It might not ever change them, but it did change me.
Food for thought?
Kathy Baker
Kathy Baker is a writer and speaker, a messenger of encouragement who loves to touch hearts and tickle souls with her work. She is the author of “Leaving Adversity Plaza,” and “A Tale of Three Choices: His, Hers, Mine.” She loves hearing from her readers and can be reached at kathybakerwrites@gmail.com.