Have you ever asked yourself what you know for sure? I remember a magazine article years ago that posed that question. Occasionally, I revisit it. Odd as it may seem, my answers today are pretty much the same as they were decades ago. I’d like to believe this means I’m wiser as well as older, but I’m pretty sure it means I have to keep making mistakes that lead me back to what I most value.
What I keep coming back to, with certainty, are beliefs that concern attitude, faith, gratitude, humor, mystery and love.
One lesson I apparently have to keep learning over and over is this: my attitude towards life determines how successful I will be. Happiness isn’t a goal; it’s a byproduct of my choices. I’m fairly adept at dealing with change — even though my first approach may be kicking and screaming about it. But since change is a given in life, along with death and taxes, I might as well embrace it. Attitudes of bitterness and anger hurt me more than they do the other guy. Self-esteem is an inside job, patience and kindness are virtues, and the present moment is all we have. These are things I know for sure. At least when I’m in my right mind.
I believe that if you’re not busy growing, you’re busy dying. Humans aren’t meant to stagnate. I know that we all must visit “Adversity Plaza” sometimes, but it’s not necessary to stay there. I try (and often fail, but hey…) to make lemonade out of life’s lemons because I believe that if I look for the good in every situation, I’ll find it. If not, I simply switch from lemonade to a glass of wine and then I feel better.
Something else I know for sure is the importance of faith. To me, faith is investing belief, time and energy into something bigger than myself. It can be a higher power, or family, or work or service to others. I believe that spirituality is the truest expression of faith because we are all spiritual beings, regardless of whether or not we are religious.
An offshoot of faith is peace. Faith in something greater than myself allows me to believe peace is possible. Closely related to peace: forgiveness, because forgiving others or myself brings peace into my heart.
What else do I know for sure? That gratitude helps me realize how much good is in my life. The more I don’t take anything for granted, the more grateful I become. “Thank you” is the most perfect prayer I know. Gratitude has taught me that abundance has nothing to do with money. Remember: he who dies with the most money is still dead. So I try to be thankful for the abundance I’ve been gifted.
I also know for sure that a sense of humor greases the skids in life. Laughter really is the best medicine; it lowers my blood pressure and warms my heart. Best of all is when I can laugh at myself. Example: what happens if I dash into the grocery store with filthy hair, sans makeup? I immediately bump into someone I haven’t seen in years, who visibly recoils in horror upon seeing how I look. Is this a tragedy? Heck, no. After the encounter with whoever spotted me, as I stand there looking like a refugee from a rag bag, I simply console myself with some chocolate. Works every time!
Something else I know is that life is mysterious. Why, for instance, do we often experience deeper-than-ever joys after experiencing a painful loss? And how does time, even if it doesn’t heal our wounds, somehow make them easier to bear? And why do problems seem more manageable in daylight than at midnight? It’s just the way it is.
More mystery: why do we humans hunger for material wealth when we know simple pleasures (hugging a child, feeling sunshine on our face, hot chocolate on a cold day) are the best? And why, oh why, isn’t life fair? If it were, we’d be able to eat whatever we want instead of perpetually dieting. We’d learn to share with others; we’d all win the lottery. Life truly is a mystery!
The most important thing I know for sure is that love is all that truly matters. Love for my family, my friends, people of differing political parties, people who irritate me just by breathing. Though hearts are fragile and need to be handled gently, there is nothing fragile about love. It is the strongest, most enduring force of all.
I believe love is an action, not merely a feeling. The sleepless nights and frustrations and pain love may bring is insignificant, because love is a precious jewel, worth whatever it costs. We were created for love. To love and be loved, as someone once said, is the greatest joy on earth.
And now…what do you know for sure?
Kathy Baker is a writer and speaker, a messenger of encouragement who loves to touch hearts and tickle souls with her work. She is the author of “Leaving Adversity Plaza,” and “A Tale of Three Choices: His, Hers, Mine.” She loves hearing from her readers and can be reached at [email protected].